I know how it feels; to fall for someone that you know he will not fall for you as a return, to eagerly jump from your bed when you hear your phone beep because you thought that it was from him, to be jealous on every living girl that stand near to him and make him laugh over simple stuff, to feel empty and worthless and you keep on asking yourself why do you even bother about him, to spend your whole day listening to sad songs that only make your heart aches even more, to cry a river because you missed him so much even your heart can't bear the pain, to feel nothing but completely hatred towards yourself and you start looking at the mirror convincing yourself that you are pretty, but nothing ever worked.
I still remember that feeling. Yet when I talk about it, I can recall everything, including those silly texts that makes me smile. I was naive at that moment and when a guy called me beautiful for the first time in my entire life, I feel special- like suddenly there's a boy who realize my existence. I remembered the first night you texted me. I remember the date and time we finally have the chance to talk to each other in person. In fact, I wrote everything in my diary. We don't have Myspace to chat all the time. We didn't own a webcam to see each other face, but we manage to survive in every way.
But unlike other people experiences, the story of my first love didn't have a happy ending. I was being lied to, being humiliated and only God knows how many time my heart breaks into pieces at the moment. Still, I didn't stop loving him yet I never stop trying to win his heart. But he..just don't realize how much he mean to me. I've changed a lot because of him, I go on diet that almost get myself killed, change my appearance and try to keep my hair long, I even learn to be fashionable and learn how to wear make up. I change my attitude because being a tomboy doesn't sound nice at all. I am the girliest girl ever existed because of him. This face that you think is pretty, this curve that people adore, this attitude that is outgoing comes from the critics that he throws on me.
2009 is my witness for all this mess. And by the end of 2010, I finally moved on with my life. It took me forever to ever stand up and walk away. He mean so much to me. I know now that I hated you so much for hurting me mentally and physically but deep down me, I know that if you ever try your best to get me back, I guess I'll fall for you all over again, boy. Because I will never forget my first love. I think nobody else will forget theirs too. But I believe that when I let go off the one that I love for the sake of other girl's happiness, a nicer guy will come along and heal the pain. I gather all my guts to put trust in myself. I take a risk and follow what my heart said- that is letting you, letting our memories, letting us go.
I still remember that feeling. Yet when I talk about it, I can recall everything, including those silly texts that makes me smile. I was naive at that moment and when a guy called me beautiful for the first time in my entire life, I feel special- like suddenly there's a boy who realize my existence. I remembered the first night you texted me. I remember the date and time we finally have the chance to talk to each other in person. In fact, I wrote everything in my diary. We don't have Myspace to chat all the time. We didn't own a webcam to see each other face, but we manage to survive in every way.
But unlike other people experiences, the story of my first love didn't have a happy ending. I was being lied to, being humiliated and only God knows how many time my heart breaks into pieces at the moment. Still, I didn't stop loving him yet I never stop trying to win his heart. But he..just don't realize how much he mean to me. I've changed a lot because of him, I go on diet that almost get myself killed, change my appearance and try to keep my hair long, I even learn to be fashionable and learn how to wear make up. I change my attitude because being a tomboy doesn't sound nice at all. I am the girliest girl ever existed because of him. This face that you think is pretty, this curve that people adore, this attitude that is outgoing comes from the critics that he throws on me.
2009 is my witness for all this mess. And by the end of 2010, I finally moved on with my life. It took me forever to ever stand up and walk away. He mean so much to me. I know now that I hated you so much for hurting me mentally and physically but deep down me, I know that if you ever try your best to get me back, I guess I'll fall for you all over again, boy. Because I will never forget my first love. I think nobody else will forget theirs too. But I believe that when I let go off the one that I love for the sake of other girl's happiness, a nicer guy will come along and heal the pain. I gather all my guts to put trust in myself. I take a risk and follow what my heart said- that is letting you, letting our memories, letting us go.
And it was the wisest decision I've ever made.
