I draw up stories to get myself attention when I feel like the ones I care about are drifting away from me.
I can feel that I'm changing at the moment. Not like I'm becoming a different person, like I'm becoming more myself and I'm not trying to fit in it or act a certain way to make people happy. Unfortunately this kind of means I'm drifting apart from my own mother, or maybe I'm pushing her away and I can see it happening. I'm doing it myself and I can't bring myself to stop it, I don't want to stop it. Soon I won't have any people like me if I carry on this way but I kind of just feel like I'd rather be alone than be around people I don't like all that much... I feel like I should be sad, but I'm kind of happier than I have been a long time. So my mom looks at me and says, "Why do you look at me like you hate me sometimes?" and breaks down in tears. Oh I don't know mother, maybe because you and your husband have made my life hell. That's why. I got into another argument with her, so I am enjoying my last free moments on the computer. Why? Because when there's something makes me reminds to you, dad it's hurt me a lot. I don't know who I should blame on. You or mom? But I know you guys have own reasons to make this way kan. Sigh. Sometimes I'm so jealous with my friends who have a happy family. Have their family member completely. I feels like shit! but what ever. I don't wanna make any drama airmata here. Dunia tak selalunya indah. Just makes myself being damn miserable je nanti. I'm going to go hell for all that I do konon, yadayadayada. If you guys think I'm a bad daughter, thinks again. What makes me become like this motha fucking shit if not from you. That's just how it works. That's how it always works.
